Leavning on a Jet Plane

So, Caitlin is coming to pick me up for the airport in about an hour.  I am really being hit with the realization that I have NO idea what is in store for me, but that is a good thing.  I kinda know what the organization is about, I know when/where to show up to start, but that is about it.  I am so excited to just live again.  That is one of my favorite things about the latin culture is the knowledge that what you are doing is the most important thing.  You would never hear of someone saying "dude, I'd love to talk, but dinner is on and I've got to get home" or something.  I am just excited to turn off my cell phone, ipod, and computer, leave my keys with Alice, and put on my traveln' Chacos.  It just feels right again.

Last night some of the most amazing people one could know put on a "going away party" for me.  I would say that it was a little more of an "I want to go too" party, but that is why I love them.  But in natural conversation, Kelsey asked me what my goals for this trip were, so I thought I would share a little of them with you.

1) I want this to be a different trip.  This is not CASP 2008.  It is a different purpose, different people, different time, etc.  When I was a freshman in high school on my first AMOR mission trip, there was a kid who kept comparing EVERYTHING to "last year."  It drove me crazy.  I don't want to be that.  I feel that I did have a very open mind last time because I had no expectations.  I am now going back to places that have changed me.  I can't be going back to get the same feelings or to have the same thoughts, but rather completely new ones.  For example, monday afternoon, I will be either visiting the site where Romero was murdered or the UCA where the Jesuits were slain.  Both were incredibly difficult locations before and I have had problems thinking about what it will be like to go back and if I can put myself through it again.  I don't want to become calloused, but I need to treat these like new experiences.  I think the same can be said about going to Honduras.  It will be different and that is good.

2)  Be all about people.  I don't have homework, I don't have reading that I have to do, I don't have a structured journal to keep up.  It didn't keep me from people last time, it shouldn't this time.

3) By the time I come back, I want to know why I went.  Honestly, right now, it feels like I am going for more selfish reasons than anything else.  I am there to "help" the country, but what gives me that right?  What makes me the authority?  Is it because I have a degree in Cross Cultural Studies from Whitworth, is it because I have the magic blue passport, or is it because I can actually help.  Also, why am I going to Honduras?  I want to see these people that have helped shape who I am, but is it being too pompous to travel half way around the world twice in a year to see these people that have never been further than a 3 hour bus ride from their village?  Am I bringing anything to them or is this just for me?  How can I bring something of value to their lives?

4) I also want to know if this is what I am supposed to do more of.

So, that is just a few thoughts to kill some time today.  Thank you all for send off messages and prayers.  I love you each dearly.